Colani's Amazing Bartending Debut


July 2002 - Bartender for one night at One-Fifth

The headline in the South China Morning Post on June 28, 2002 read: "Congratulations to Silvan Colani who ambushed us with 30 definitions for SAR. We sifted through Simply A Racecourse, Seek Abode ElsewheRe, Summer Always Rains, Save A Rickshaw and settled on Seek A Rolex as our favorite. Silvan will be given a lesson in bartending before being let loose on a Wednesday night crowd at Elite Concepts' bar restaurant One-Fifth."

Now, the term bar restaurant is a total understatement - One-Fifth (1/5) is Hong Kong's hippest, grooviest, coolest, in-bar frequented by celebrity, Ferrari drivers and other show-offs. It also happens to be right in my building and is a regular last stop on my way home. In fact, I wrote all the 30 SAR definitions right there, at its bar, with the help of some of the staff!

And so, on a recent Wednesday, I came full-circle. After hyping up the event for three straight weeks (I essentially invited every man, woman and child that crossed my path), the big night finally arrived. My shift started at 6 pm, and I was 10 minutes late - bad form for the first day on a new job. Two of my guests had already arrived, but I needed to go through a quick lesson of bartending:

Count to four when pouring a shot, count to two for half a shot! Easy - I'm a banker after all.

House vodka is Sky, house gin is Bombay Sapphire, and house water is tap! Not so difficult either.

And as regards to the ingredients for all these complicated drinks everybody was going to order? Well, never mind, just make 'em strong. Well, not quite, but I had done some homework and could anyway rely on a four-strong back-up crew.

First order was a Marguerita (there were quite a few of those throughout the night) for my boss and good friend Henry, followed by a Pink Gin and some complicated weird signature cocktail from the menu - my crowd was giving me an early challenge. Daiquiris were requested soon, followed by Caipirinhas, Caipiroscias and Caipidontknowwhat. There was a Harvey Wallbanger for the lady at one end of the bar and a glass of champagne for the lady on the other end (now there's an easy drink...)

I was making relatively easy progress throughout Happy Hour, which lasts from 6pm to 9pm. But then things started to heat up. 1/5 started to fill up and I suddenly regretted inviting all these people who invited more people who brought other people on top of all the people that came anyway, oblivious to that new bartender. It got seriously busy and the five of us behind the bar were climbing over each other mixing Black Russians, Malibu Breeze, Rusty Nails, Lychee Martinis and plenty more Margueritas.

I was also anticipating the arrival of the start guest of the night, John Travolta, who had flown into town that day on a promotional trip and I had sent him a fax to his hotel, inviting him over to my party. He never showed up, but it was entirely his loss. Instead, members of The Chemical Brothers, a band I have never heard of before but who were apparently holding a concert the next day, showed up. They were all professionally served by the Guest Bartender.

The best request of the night was most likely the Flaming Lamborghini (actually there were three of those), given the crowd-pleasing extra effect of drowning a burning glass of poison. The worst request was one coke, one coke light and one orange juice - no ice. Get outta here! And I really only screwed up one order, which was supposed to be Jack & Soda but came out Jack & Tonic. I guess you could do worse than that.

It was a busy night, for sure. My good friend the doorman counted 264 people after 10 pm, turnover was over HK$ 32,000, and tips accounted for some HK$ 1,200, a figure which I was told was very respectable for a Wednesday night. The bar closes at 1 pm by which time I had to guide my boss carefully down the stairs and into a taxi after the last Marguerita in a long series had finally taken its toll. The last guests actually did not leave until 2 pm, forced out by the bright lights and insulting shouts from the Guest Bartender.



I had not eaten since lunch, I worked like a madman, I had only managed one pee brake, and I drank quite a few of my own connotations, but I surely had the time of my life. The entire crew at 1/5 was absolutely fantastic and we really enjoyed ourselves. Thanks also to all friends and supporters who showed up and harassed me with their difficult orders.

And here, if you want to know, is the entire list of 34 definitions for SAR, which got me into this party in the first place:

  • Sanity At Risk
  • Something After Royalty
  • Simply A Racecourse
  • Sub-zero Air-conditioned Region
  • System Against Reform
  • Seek-A-Rolex
  • Sino-Anglo Roulette
  • Seventy sqf Apartment for Rent
  • Screw All Rules
  • Summer Always Rains
  • Seek Abode elsewheRe
  • Seldom Acting Rationally
  • Some Areas Reclaimed
  • Sino Abused Region
  • Serious Acid Rain
  • Sunday Amah Retreat
  • Spit At Random
  • Somebody Acutally Rules?
  • Sing, Act, Regret
  • Strong Absolute Redbull
  • Somebody buy Another Round
  • Shady Accounting Rules
  • Shopping At Random
  • Save-A-Rickshaw
  • Stash Away Renmimbi
  • Sip Absenth Repeatedly
  • Self Accomplished Refugees
  • Semi Annual Rump
  • Shopping Aisle Racing
  • Superior Alien Resurrection
  • Sophisticated Accumulated Rubbish
  • Smelly Alcoholic Rats
  • cARlSberg
  • Sh**, Am I dRunk or what...





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