The Travelling Life of Silvan Colani
February 2005 - Boracay, Philippines
Following last year's successful Colani 30th Birthday Expedition to Boracay, there were many strong calls for a repeat expedition in 2005. Thus we assembled "Colani's Eleven", a group of hardened drinkers and partiers - together with a few more sensible (mostly female) minds.
Wednesday
The expedition was off to a good start with a new record connecting time in Manila of under two hours. Following a frantic scramble by the welcome party due to our early arrival, we waded ashore through the crystal clear waters onto the world's greatest beach before 1400hrs. Accommodation was promptly inspected and sorted out: there was the choice of Monkey House over Spider House, Eagle's Nest and Nelson's Lookout.
Hannes notes the following in his diary on being introduced to the sanitary facilities at the Spider House: "If you need to pee, use the window to piss into sea, if you need to poo, go up a bit into the forest".
Mei came prepared for the worst. Her diary reads:
Mei: "I am so prepared for these damn mosquitoes ... fifteen anti-mosquito patches and 'off' spray! Nothing's going to come near me for five days!" I hope she only means the bugs...
At 1700hrs we initiated the first round of the Expedition's daily Beach Volley Ball Tournament. I believe I was in the winning team.
Following the first of many spectacular sunsets, at 1757hrs sharp, expedition members were treated to an exotic meal of Jimmy's risotto and cervelat. In a terrible defeat at Cho Dai Dee, Reto is forced to join the author in doing the dishes. His diary reads:
"Haven't had a cervelat for years... but same goes for doing the dishes..."
The expedition then proceeded with a reconnaissance of the island's notorious nightlife proceeding slowly down the famous White Beach from bar to bar. Summer Place was declared the happening place (Motto: How far would you go???)
It's a long walk back from Summer Place to Diniwid (How far would you go???), especially at night, and some expedition members availed themselves of a motorized tricycle in the early wee hours (Motto: How slow would you go???)
Thursday
The diary entries of the day say it all:
Roushana: "Near death experience of being washed away from sailboat on 'leisurely' sail trip around the island".
Reto: "Great sailing trip, even included a free mouth wash at sea..."
Roger: "I can't remember the Wednesday night."
Indeed, circumnavigating the entire island of Boracay was one of the objectives of the expedition. Having failed the same in 2004 due to strong winds, we were determined to beat the elements this year - and we did. But the elements fought back hard. Sitting on the shaky outriggers of these traditional sailing boats and bracing against big waves on the backside of the island, expedition members were soaked in an onslaught of rough water. Sailor Reto welcomed the first big wave with an open mouth and outstretched arms - a full body shower with salty mouthwash! We hung on to our scarce San Miguel supply and eventually made it safely back to base.
Mei: "Funny, the 'Reto-squat' - Reto doing a typical Chinese squat on the outrigger trying to predict when the next big wave would hit. Q: What could he do even if he knew when the wave would hit?"
More beach volleyball ensued, and I believe I was in the winning team. The sunset was surprisingly disappointing, as was tonight's meal as starving expedition members complained about the small portions served. San Miguel had to make up for the nutritional imbalance. More drinking at Summer Place plus dancing on the bar (Motto: B 1 of us!)
Mei: "I hate Geckos!!!"
Friday
By now it had become apparent that the bulk of the expedition would not be of much use before 1300hrs. This was not a problem, since the expedition's focus for today was on a nighttime matter of national importance. This requires a bit of background information:
Boracay is home to the (in)famous Cocomanga's Shooter Bar, whose motto is "Still standing after 15…". This refers to a series of fifteen ugly shooters that must be drunk in order to qualify for a t-shirt and the honor of having one's name engraved on a long "wall of fame". More importantly, however, by completing one round of 15 shooters, the drinker's country moves up one point on the big board of nations.
Since our members consisted entirely of Sailors of the Liechtenstein Princely Navy, one of the main objectives of the expedition was to improve the score of Liechtenstein as much as possible.
As Expedition Leader, I have done my fair share for this good cause in the past, moving Liechtenstein from zero to three and then from three to seven in a subsequent expedition, thus taking it past North Korea and other Great Nations.
With a crew of five able Sailors willing to sacrifice themselves for Prince and Country, the opportunity for 2005 was fantastic: While large visitor countries like the US, Germany or Korea have their scores in the 1000s, Singapore was a viable target at 16. Could tiny Liechtenstein with 35,000 inhabitants outdrink the mighty Singaporeans?
First-time 15ers Reto, Roger, Alex and Stephan lined up for the task together with Dani, a seasoned drinker who already has the t-shirt. Bets were taken on the sidelines, with Roger and Dani heavily favored to survive while the odds on Reto and Alex were a bit shaky. Stephan was the dark horse.
Starting with the Canadian Prairie Fire and making it past such treats like the Screaming Green Lizard, our brave men slowly made it through the list. Renzo's Revenge proved a tough challenge, but eventually all made it through, thus proudly moving Liechtenstein from 7 to 12 and ranking just behind Singapore. Their diary entries say it all:
Reto: "15 and still standing... albeit shaky... but I still insist that the girl in black had 'No Schnaebeli'...!'
Stephan: "As a Liechtensteiner I felt very proud when we overtook several democratic and communistic countries in the '15 still standing'. Monarchy rules!"
Alex: "Oh my god, I am still standing after 15! Long live Liechtenstein, new ranking: 37th (only 4 points behind Singapore!)
Following the strains of Friday night, Saturday was considered a rest day. To help settle shaky stomachs, expedition members opted for hearty luncheons. Reto ordered a tuna fish sandwich and in what must be an absolute classic even for Philippine standards, they forgot to put the tuna inside!
Reto: "Unbelievable, they forgot the Tuna fish in my Tuna-Melt sandwich..."
Hannes: "A Retosandwich = a tuna melt without tuna"
Alex's entry is the same as almost every day: "Sleep - Beach - Volleyball - Drinks - ?"
Since, as indicated, the expedition team consisted almost entirely of Liechtenstein Navy Sailors, our base camp manager Jimmy was kind enough to organize a dragonboat training at sunset, after everybody had opted out of the previous day's training at sunrise (or there about)! Unfortunately the strains of the expedition started to show and only Rene and Roushana made it to the training, at a time when the rest just struggled out of bed:
Roushana: "Dragonboat training with Jimmy who is preparing for his 40km (!!) race (seems like 500m races are for degenerated wimps)."
Stephan: "Had such a interesting discussion with Roger on our way back home that I suddenly felt asleep. Fortunately I stayed at the NAMI resort that night so I had a nice nap."
Falling asleep in mid-step, is now called "Doing a Stephan". ("Doing a Roger" is falling asleep while seated.)
Sunday morning is spent recovering from a Mission Accomplished. Reto's diary sums it up nicely:
Reto: "It was supposed to be a relaxing holiday, but physically, I feel like I just spent a week in a drill-camp..."
Such is life on an expedition to paradise.
The final entries come courtesy of a stunt by Schoggi-Rene during check-in in Manila:
Roushana: "Admiral with his pants on his ankles in the middle of crowded Manila Airport."
Mei: "I see dangly bits... mmmmmm"
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