The Travelling Life of Silvan Colani
September 2002 - Hanoi
Another one of those long Hong Kong weekends provided an excuse to venture down to the capital of Vietnam - Hanoi.
Hanoi is one of those messy-yet-charming type of cities in Asia, where beautiful French colonial architecture meets socialists-go-capitalist economic growth.
Economic growth, as in "let's buy a motorbike!" There are two million motorcycles for the three million inhabitants of Hanoi. (The 1 million without motorbike rides on the back of somebody else's bike.) For safety reasons, every motorbike (as well as every other motorized vehicle) is equipped with a HORN, which must be used in lieu of a BRAKE. Honking horns is Driving Rule Number One, especially when a) crossing red lights, b) overtaking on sidewalks, and c) driving on the opposite side of the road.
Of course, there is more to Hanoi than honking vehicles, but you'll be far too busy focusing on the traffic to notice any of it. There are many temples and pagodas (of which I didn't visit any), museums (of which I didn't visit any), the Ho Chi Minh mausoleum (which was closed) or the infamous "Hanoi Hilton" prison (which, incidentally, I did visit).
I stayed at Hilton Hanoi Opera, which must not be confused with the former prison, although I did worry about ending up at the latter after a late night pee into a prominent fountain following a night of too much Hanoi Beer and Lua Moi, a 45%-strong liquor made from sticky rice.
One area I can recommend is Hanoi's Old Quarter, a charming and bustling area of small streets and alleys, all dedicated to different merchandise - from Hang Gai (silk street) to Hang Mam (pickled fish street) to Hang Ruoi (clam worms street). Also worth a visit is the Water Puppet Theatre, an ancient Vietnamese Muppets-in-the-Swimming Pool type of performance.
Rather than following some pre-determined guided tour, I embarked on a more adventurous, improvised itinerary with a like-minded (i.e. crazy) friend named Fred, or Phred in Vietnamese. I can highly recommend the following programs:
- Directing Traffic on a Major Intersection
- Helping Locals to Park their Motorbikes in their Shops
- Sitting on Ridiculously Small Plastic Chairs to Chat with Strangers
- Learning the Vietnamese Language ("Phuc Up" means "confused")
- Messing around in Clothing Stores under the Pretext of a Government Inspection
- Setting Coconuts on Fire in Restaurant
- Helping Taxi Driver by imitating Honking Noise out of the Window
- Drinking Excessive Quantities of Halida Beer
- Peeing into Prominent Fountain (optional)
Our trip also included a detour to Halong Bay, a UNESCO World Heritage Site some three to four hours' drive from Hanoi. This is a beautiful area of over 3000 limestone islands rising from the clear sea (think of a flooded Guilin). The five-hour boat trip across this archipelago was a clear highlight of the trip. Forget about the caves (which are packed with Chinese tourists and dotted with ridiculous penguin-shaped litter bins) and instead ask your boat captain to sail to a sheltered cove or secluded beach for a swim.
The thing to do, actually, would be to stay on a traditional junk overnight. Halongtravels was highlight recommended to me for that purpose. However, we were pressed for time and thus stayed at a dodgy hotel in Halong City, where the sauna/massage parlor was clearly just a front for "added value room service". The massage was so bad that it made you wonder what they would do to the rest of your body if you actually signed up for the "extras". I was not going to find out.
