The Travelling Life of Silvan Colani
I've started my journey off in Christchurch where I spent one night. I didn't do much
sightseeing, just had some dinner and went looking for a good place for a drink. Upon
someone's recommendation I checked out Dux de Lux which was supposed to have live
music. However, the stuff they played can at best be described as experimental, but I'd
rather call it a Load of Sh**. Chat's Bar was a good English Pub with plenty of
drunken Englishmen and women. Finally I ended up in the Southern Blues Bar which
is an excellent place with good real live music and a bar tender who looks like one
of the guys from ZZ Top.
After my GDP-inflating shopping trip I decided to get in shape by hiking up Mt Roy
(1585m). It took me two hours to get to the top. This doesn't sound like much, but this is
a track of 1200 vertical meters and the path goes only up, up and up. Apart from two tiny
short flat sections, it's always up! Needless to say I was slaughtered by the time I made
it to the top.
- Andy, the Tennis Coach from London, who snores like a chain saw (as we shall find out
later), plays a decent game of pool, makes great tea, and whose physical condition wasn't
as great as his job description would have you imagine.
- Richard, a horse dentist from England (I'm not kidding you), whose physical strength
was pretty good (I guess brushing horse teeth is a rather strenuous activity!) and who
seemed quite talented at almost everything in the mountains, including cooking.
Ian, a banana farmer from Australia (I'm not making this up) who has never seen snow
before but ploughed steps into the wet snow like a steam roller, enjoyed all his meals
(more pancakes, Ian?), needs a shave (I have a bet outstanding with Andy that he would
get Ian drunk enough to shave off his beard. I'm waiting for some pictures, Andy!), and
otherwise is a quiet but enjoyable companion to have around.- Jean, the office girl from MAG and only female member of the course, who has a
strange taste of music, hates salami for breakfast (or any other meal for that matter),
takes a thoroughly positive view on almost anything in life and carries a mobile phone to
the mountains.
- Myself, the Swiss banker from Hong Kong, whose pancakes are legendary, builds luxurious outdoor snow toilets and hates hot Aurora or Rauroa or whatever that dreadful liquid is called.
- Paul, a director of MAG, thoroughly qualified and experienced climber with great patience
and friendliness that made the course so incredibly unique and personal and whose
mission in life it is to convert vegetarian climbers into meat devouring carnivores.
- Simon, a very professional and committed climber with great attitude, very pleasant personality, excellent road driving skills, a talent for getting up at 3.00am and still smiling and otherwise genuinely nice guy.
Day Two: The weather forecast for Mount Aspiring region is still lousy
and we decide to head for the West Coast instead, where the chances for a break in the
weather are better. During the 3 ½ hour drive we learn to appreciate Simon's driving style
and form our opinion about Jean's music selection. Our destination is Fox Glacier where we
practice some ice climbing on the foot of the glacier, since the weather is still too poor
to fly into the mountains. Paul, or shall we call him Paulo, cooks an excellent
Spaghetti Bolognese for dinner and we all try to fall asleep to the chain saw snoring
noise coming from Andy's bunk.
Day Four: The weather has clreared!!! I don't believe my eyes: no clouds,
no rain, no more waiting. We load our gear into two helicopters who carry us straight to
Centennial Hut, at 2430m on top of the Franz Josef Glacier - our home for the next three
days. Wow, now we're talking! Blue skies, white snow and an incredible landscape make us forget
the long wait immediately. We decide to go for 'a little stroll', practice some skills like
self arrest, building snow anchors, crevasse rescue and slog back to the hut in slushy
afternoon snow conditions. Back at the hut, I admire the unique view from the Centennial Toilet
while Richard and Ian prepare a five star meal.
Although we haven't quite climbed Mt Everest, the feeling is still amazing. And so
are the views. There's no time to waste however, since we want to be off the mountain before
the sun turns all the crevasses at the bottom into one big mountain minefield. The walk back
to the hut under the hot sun is tough - to say the least. Fortunately, Ian has eaten
enough breakfast and ploughs the entire way back to the hut, where Andy has prepared a
very British cup of tea. Good effort! We've been up for 12 hours and everybody has a little
nap.
Day Six: We pack up all our gear and decide to traverse over to the West
Hoe Pass on the horizon. Once the sun comes out the going gets tough. I cherish my
investment into the hiking pole and curse myself for every unessential item in my pack.
(Why on earth did I take my walking shoes with me? Two rolls of film would have been
enough and that f***ing compass must weight at least 50 grams!!!) We drop most of our
gear at our new home: an empty snow crest, where we will later build a Ritz-Carlton-style snow
cave. But first we move on to climb more peaks. Simon, Richard and Ian have a go at
Mt Halcombe (2659m), up an awesome looking snow couloir. The rest of us settle for a
lesser challenge: Mt Von Bulow (2600m), a snow peak which we reach without much difficulty
at 11.15am. Andy is ecstatic - it's his fist peak and he feels he' got his money's worth
from the course. Jean and I are somewhat disappointed for not having been able to climb
Halcombe as initially intended.
Instead, we venture back to our 'construction site' where we channel our excess energy
into building our shelter for the night. This is where Snow Cave Andy, our replacement
guide, really comes to life (imagine a Ferrari shifting into second gear!). Building a snow
cave is a very technical and sophisticated affair: dig a hole and sleep in it! In
our case, the only problem was that it had to sleep seven full-length adults. So we took
out our shovels and start3ed to remove a load of snow the size of an apartment block in
Hong Kong (OK, I might be exaggerating, but that what it felt like!). Snow Cave Andy dug out
about 90% of it while the rest of us came close to a heart attack with the remainder. The
end result was a spectacular multi-purpose, single semi-detached luxury snow apartment for
seven people with centralized air conditioning. In addition, I personally built an open-air
wind-optimized snow loo with a capacity for a three months stay (unfortunately, we only
stayed one night - and some people even refused to use my facility on the grounds that
it was too far off the snow cave. They simply peed into our front yard - how rude!) We had
dinner (pasta and 18 boiled eggs) and someone forgot to pack tea, so we drank hot Aurora/Raurora - yuck!
Day Seven: Simon's a really nice guy! After having missed out the previous day, he offered
me the chance to climb Mt Halcombe early in the morning provided that the weather stayed
good in order for us to be back at the snow cave by 8.00am for our traverse to the fly-out
site. Thus, after a somewhat cold and claustrophobic night in the snow cave Simon and
I got up at 3.00am and headed back to Mt Halcombe. Simon set a fast pace and by the
time we were at the foot of Halbcombe I was already pretty exhausted. The climb up the couloir
under the star-filled sky was amazing. Simon led and I scrambled up behind. The
challenge was daunting, at least for me, but we reached the summit at 5.30am, before
sunrise. The view was spectacular: the pre-dawn sky was a mixture of yellow, red and blue.
I don't have the right words to describe the feeling but it was clearly a very rewarding
exercise.
We were back at the snow cave at 7.00am where we packed our gear and joined the rest
of the team for a three hours traverse towards Chancellor Hut. The weather conditions were
perfect for this undertaking. Some clouds and wind kept the snow firmer for longer,
making the journey over good terrain very enjoyable. However, there was another surprise in store at
the very end of this trip, as we had to slog it up an endless (at least that's how
it felt to me) hill to reach the helicopter landing site in the by now rather soft snow.
All my body systems went into overdrive and I sounded like Bill Clinton on five Viagras
(I imagine...). Anyway, having finally reached the landing site a heli full of tourists in
shorts and slippers arrived for a 'glacier walk', totally oblivious to the pain and
suffering I had to endure to walk all the way up there. The scene was rather surreal...
That was the end of my climbing week but I had another four days to 'cool down'. Hence,
I picked up another vehicle (MGF, 1.8l, convertible, red!) and went to do some serious
cruising. I first drove all the way south to Invercargill and on to Bluff, from where it
is only 4810km to the South Pole. From there I headed back up through the Catlins towards
Dunedin (take Route 92 instead of Highway 1 for some great roads!) and on to the Otago
Peninsula for some Penguin watching. The Otago Peninsula, by the way, is a must if you
drive through the area, because the roads out there are just awesome: small, winding roads
going up and down the hills and alongside the seashore - fantastic! I spent the night
at the 'Penguin Place' - for NZ$ 15!!! Amazing price.
My next destination was Mount Cook via Omaru (great old colonial buildings), Omarama
(nothing there) and Twizel (nothing there either). The countryside, again, is wonderful
but my trip was rudely interrupted when some 300 meters ahead of me a car crashed with
a bus full of Japanese tourists. All I saw was a big cloud of dust as the bus veered off
the road. I was the first on the scene and the picture was awful to say the least. The
BMW was a total wreck: it's engine lay 20 meters away from the main chassis. There was
a woman in the driver's seat and luckily she was alive. But she was stuck in the wreckage
and there was plenty of blood. I was totally out of my depth... I got my first aid kit
which I bought for the climbing course (and thought I never need) to cover some of the
wounds and to stop the bleeding. More cars pulled up and someone called the emergency
services which were on the spot remarkably fast, given the remoteness of the area.
There appeared to be some casualties on the bus as well and a helicopter was brought in.
I started to feel rather sick and just wanted to leave the area as soon as the road was
cleared - not very heroic but there was nothing left to do for me. I just prayed that
no one would die.
After this rather grim incident I reached Mount Cook which, I must say, was rather
disappointing. The place is a Japanese-infested, overpriced, Mountain Disneyland.
The only room I found cost over NZ$ 100 (this certainly helped to average up my
previous cheap night) but I was in no mood to drive onwards for cheaper accommodation.
Admittedly, the mountain views were great, but hey, I had just spent seven days up
there my self so I wasn't too impressed. The drive into and out of the valley is however
worth the effort - but sleep elsewhere and save some money.
The rest of the day's journey was a comparatively
unexciting drive to Fairlie, Geraldine, Mt Somers and all the way to Waipara, a wine growing
area. I thought about spending the afternoon getting drunk on the cheap by jumping from
wine tasting to wine tasting. However, because of lack of accommodation I needed to drive
for another hour to Hamner Springs and I therefore cut down on the drinking spree. I had
lunch at the beautiful Canterbury House Vineyards where I was invited to join the Christmas
party of the local 3M office, a gang of eight by now merrily drunken sales
representatives. There was some arm wrestling, flossing (!) and other weird activities
which I guess are traditional Kiwi Christmas rites.
Anyway, I moved on to Hamner Springs, my destination for the night. They have great
thermal springs up there and I spent the rest of the afternoon soaking off the remaining
climbing pains. Then dinner and off to bed. I awoke rudely at around 2.00am when the
alarm of my MGF went off. Some animal must have crawled over it and the car kept honking
for what seemed an eternity. I frantically tried to have it turned off through the remote
control key chain. It eventually stopped and I imagine the entire population of Hamner
Springs was wide-awake by now. I decided to leave town fast and early next morning.
1) New Zealand's great! The country, its people, its mountains, its roads (Otago
Peninsula, Catlins and Banks Peninsula are any serious driver's dream come true), its
wines, its beers, its food, its sheep, its humor, its language ...I love it all!
2) Mountaineering is the greatest activity on earth. I haven't found any other thing
that's as satisfying, close to nature and personal while at the same time as challenging
and demanding - I sure will be back for more. And by the way, it's so much cooler to
answer the question "what do you do?" by saying "I climb mountain" rather than "I'm
a banker"...
