The Travelling Life of Silvan Colani
December 2004 - Wales
Having been promised a week of cold wet weather, lots of greasy food and plenty of TV watching, I agreed on a Christmas holiday in Wales, visiting Mei's numerous family. Here are some of my impressions of the trip.
The country. We went to Wales, which I was told is a country. Really? I disagreed since they do not have a seat at the United Nations (only the UK does), have no passports of their own (UK again) and no Welsh money either (UK pounds instead). But the Welsh countered (again and again) that they had a flag (OK, big deal), their own language (something between Indian and the Swiss Bernese dialect) and a Miss Wales competition. That last point almost convinced me. Others include a seat at the European parliament, national football and rugby teams (like England, but not the United Kingdom) and a consistent dislike for anything English (clearly not the same country then).
But the Welsh are also not content with being compared to a state (like California) in the US or a canton in Switzerland (all of which have flags, local parliaments and Miss Something competitions). To settle the issue, I consulted my atlas: "The United Kingdom is a union of four countries. Three of them - England, Scotland and Wales - make up Great Britain." OK, so it is a country, but not a sovereign state.
The language. The language, as I said, is most peculiar in two ways. Firstly, it is impossible to understand and secondly, nobody speaks it. But all signs (such as on the street or in the super market) are bi-lingual. Most Welsh words have an acute lack of vowels and are pronounced completely different to their spelling. (Something like "Cwm Llgmnrgwy") might be pronounced "Hot Pot" and mean "Do not turn left"). But then again, nobody I came across in this country actually spoke the language. Weird.
The car. Regular readers of this website will be aware of the fact that I refuse to rent boring cars, such as the recently voted World's Most Ordinary Car - the Ford Focus (pronounced "fuck-us" in English and Welsh). No, going to Great Britain, it had to be an Aston Martin, a Range Rover or a Mini Cooper. Simple economics meant I settled for the latter, but I still splashed out a bit by going for the 163bhp Mini Cooper S, which packs a lot more oomph than the regular Mini. With a low, sporty suspension it rides very hard, making you feel every bump in the road. But it is immensely fun. Its cockpit with the centrally mounted speedometer feels more spaceship than car and the power surge, particularly in second and third gear, is exhilarating. Ours came in silver with a white roof, which I tailored with my own sticker (see picture). The Welsh roads are made for great driving and the Mini was worth every pound.
The weather. I couldn't possibly write a report on Britain and ignore the weather. Well, it was as expected: mostly cold and rainy, or cold and drizzly and sometimes cold and sunny. The sun doesn't rise very high in winter (it feels like sunrise or sunset even at noon) and after 4 pm it gets dark. That's when it's time to turn on...
...the telly. Watching TV is a national pastime, particularly around Christmas, when there is little else to do. With a gazillion channels to pick from you'd think the choice is endless, but we watched mostly "Who wants to be a Millionaire?" That program is addictive! We even played it ourselves on DVD on Christmas! Then there were all the classics like "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" which I've never seen before but all of Britain watches annually. But my personal favorite was a Japanese game show translated into English as "Takeshi's Castle" where contestants had to complete mostly muddy, slippery and unstable obstacle courses which lead them to fall on their noses or straight into the mud. Very silly, but very very funny.
The family. With four sisters and one brother in total, Mei's family is obviously very large. Add to that the boyfriends and husbands, parents and uncles, and you have a substantial gathering for Christmas. So large, in fact, that we had to 'outsource' the Christmas dinner to an uncle's Chinese restaurant in town. Having grown up as an only child, I thoroughly enjoyed the change of a large family gathering. The fact that everybody spoke Cantonese and the large quantities of Tsingtao Beer made me feel right at home in Swansea.
We stayed at Mei's sister, May Lin, which together with her other sisters, Mei Yee and Mei Ching, are all called Mei. Luckily, her brother is not called Mei. May Lin's husband Jason ("Big Jason" in Cantonese) is a policeman and they have an adorable 10-month old son called Oliver. Mei Yee (the second sister from top) has a boyfriend also called Jason ("Small Jason" in Cantonese). It's all a bit confusing, but they are all supremely nice!
The football. Going to the UK for ten days, I insisted on seeing at least one football match and a rugby game. So on Boxing Day we drove to Cardiff, capital of Wales, to see the local team (the "Blue Birds") take on Wolverhampton (the "Wolves"). Since it was only a second division game, you would expect this to be a fairly casual affair. Wrong. As we drove into town, we overtook a convoy of five buses full of Wolves fans - under police escort!
Jason later explained to me that the police have spotters on the bridges leading into town to prevent people from throwing stones down at the buses. The police would then lead the visitors to the stadium. There, they had a section to themselves, followed by a row of policemen, an unoccupied section in between (the "demilitarized zone"), followed by another row of policemen keeping the two sides apart. The atmosphere was accordingly partisan and the language very foul to say the least. Add to that a fairly lackluster game (1:1) and a price tag of 22 Pounds per person and you'd think it might have been a better idea to watch the game on telly. It would have been cheaper, warmer, better view with replays and a proper commentary instead of the continued swearing from all directions!
The local rugby match, on the other hand, was very enjoyable, when Swansea played some unpronounceable Welsh rival. Entry was free (because we came late), the crowd cheered for both sides, kids were playing on the pitch during half time and the actual game was exciting and fun to watch. Much better value for (no) money!
The food. This report would be incomplete without a mention of the food, since all I did most of the time was eating. While Britain's cuisine (if there is such a thing) is not particularly famous I was positively surprised by its diversity. We obviously had all the traditional 'must eats' such as a huge greasy English breakfast, fish and chips, pub lunches, Christmas dinner with roast beef, pork and lamb (no turkey) and plenty of excellent home cooked Chinese food. But there are also lots of good Italian, Spanish (La Braseria, or the Bras, in Swansea was particularly good), Oriental and other restaurants around. Beer is obviously never in short supply either and can be a meal in itself.
The shopping. Aside from eating, there is shopping, which is no hobby of mine. But there appears to be a British tradition of 'going to the sales' right after Christmas when everything goes on sale. If you like beating old grannies to the sweater rack while getting run over by pregnant women with pushcarts, this one's for you. I more enjoyed a visit to Tesco's, where they have an entire aisle the size of a minor highway dedicated to toilet paper. Aww, the choice!
The ticket. For New Year's Eve we drove down to London and mingled with the crowds on Trafalgar Square, Leicester Square and Piccadilly. And there was a huge firework at the London Eye as the Big Ben stroke midnight. Next morning - New Year's Day - you'd think was a public holiday, but because it fell on a Saturday it wasn't (Monday was a holiday instead in the UK). As a result, parking on the streets wasn't free on January 1st and I started the year off with a parking ticket. Happy New Year!
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